Former obese child explains why parents are to blame for childhood obesity and how parents can address the problem in the right way

Parents, if your child is fat, it’s your fault. Yes, that’s right. If your child, who is living under your roof and eating the food you buy for them, gets fat, you’re to blame. 

Childhood obesity is a growing problem with just under a quarter of US children ages 2-19 considered obese. For comparison, childhood obesity was almost non-existent until the 1970’s. 

Adults aren’t faring much better, with 34.1% of US men and women considered overweight and 42.4% obese. 

But here’s the thing, obesity doesn’t just happen. Nobody is born to be obese, it’s not a “body type”. You become obese when you consistently eat more calories than you burn. 

Though it’s a simple concept, nearly half of US adults struggle to understand this. Children understand this concept even less, which is why it’s their parents fault they’re fat. 

Let me explain. 

Parents Shape Their Children’s Bad Habits

At 14, I was 230 pounds. I had been overweight my entire childhood and suffered the social and health consequences. But at 14 years old, I decided to change the direction of my life and lost 100 pounds that very same year.

I didn’t become obese overnight. It was years of unrestricted eating and unhealthy behaviors. Both of which were my parents fault. 

My family wasn’t exactly the epitome of health growing up. We ate a lot of fast food and family size containers of ice cream, cheese puffs, potato chips, and more. You name it, we likely had it in our pantry. 

Combine our unhealthy diet with no exercise and well, you get obesity. 

Lack of Healthy Guidance Equals Lack of Healthy Decisions

There was never any talk of what it meant to be healthy growing up in my household. We ate what we wanted when we wanted and didn’t exercise because, we didn’t know we needed to.  Our parents never exercises, so why should we?

My parents unhealthy habits meant that I had unhealthy habits. Their lack of guidance in the matter was why I became obese. I was a child who didn’t understand what calories were. 

I didn’t know that eating too many of them made you fat or led to health problems. I didn’t understand why I shouldn’t eat however much I wanted, even when I was full. I didn’t understand these things because no one taught me. 

My Parents Aren’t Bad People

Although I do blame my parents for my childhood obesity, I don’t hold a grudge on them. My parents knew my weight was unhealthy but they themselves were unhealthy too. 

They were children of the 60’s and 70’s when obesity, especially childhood obesity, was very rare. Although most fast food chains got their start in the 60’s, the mass consumption of processed foods and rapid spread of fast food chains wouldn’t start booming until their adult years, when they were parents. 

My parents, like many parents even today, were not bad people. They did not help me get fat on purpose. They simply didn’t understand the importance of eating healthy and exercising for maintaining a normal weight. 

However, it’s still their fault I was fat. Just like it’s still your fault your kids are fat. 

Your Actions Guide Your Children’s Actions

Your children learn everything from you. You are their first role model and the most important people in their lives. You cannot expect your children to lead a healthy lifestyle if you yourself do not. 

I would bet that in 9 out of 10 cases of childhood obesity, at least one of the parents is also obese. This is because parents play a pivotal role in shaping a child’s relationship with food and physical activity from a young age. 

Unhealthy eating habits, sedentary lifestyles, and a lack of awareness about nutrition are learned behaviors that children pick up from their immediate surroundings. As parents, it’s your job to set a positive example by fostering a healthy and balanced lifestyle within the household.

If you don’t know what a healthy lifestyle means for you and your family, learn. The internet is a wondrous thing that can answer virtually any question you might want to ask. 

It’s Not About Pointing Fingers

Look, it’s not about pointing fingers but recognizing the influential role you have as parents in shaping your children’s behaviors. From grocery shopping choices to meal preparation and family activities, parents create the environment that either promotes or discourages healthy habits. 

If a child is consistently exposed to processed foods, sugary drinks, and a lack of physical activity, the likelihood of obesity increases significantly. 

Now that you understand childhood obesity is a parents problem, what can you do about it?

How Parents Can End Childhood obesity

Instead of resorting to blame and shame, become proactive about your child’s health. Below are some ways you can help your obese child maintain a healthy weight. 

Lead By Example

If you want your child to lead a healthy life, you must lead a healthy life. This is regardless of whether you are overweight yourself. 

You can’t expect your child to adopt these healthier habits on their own. You must show them what being healthy looks like.  It would be hypocritical of you to insist your family start a fitness routine, for example, while you yourself are glued to the screen on your couch.

Practice what you preach and your children will follow.

Educate the Whole Family

Make getting healthy a whole family affair. Take the time to educate not just yourself but your spouse and your other children about proper nutrition and the importance of physical activity. 

Getting the whole family on board with your new healthy habits, regardless of their weight, means you aren’t singling out your overweight child or children. 

For example, please don’t serve your obese child chicken and broccoli while the other kids chow down on pizza. Trust me, nothing feels worse than being the only kid with a “problem”. 

You’ll only make your child feel worse about their situation and may even make them resent you.

Promote Balanced Nutrition At Home

Make conscious choices when it comes to grocery shopping and meal preparation. Prioritize whole, nutrient-dense foods over processed and sugary options. 

Involve your children in the process, teaching them about the importance of a balanced diet. You can do this by having them help you prepare healthy meals or have them pick out their favorite healthy foods at the grocery store. 

Keep healthier foods in your home so that your children have no other option but to eat healthier at home.

Encourage Physical Activity 

Find enjoyable physical activities that the entire family can participate in. Whether it’s biking, hiking, or playing sports, making exercise a fun and integral part of family life can instill a love for movement in your children early on.

Plus, it’s a great way for you and your family to bond over doing something that’s good for all of you. 

Understand That This Could Be Life or Death

Obesity kills. That’s the cold hard truth. The reality is that the earlier your child adopts unhealthy behaviors and the longer they continue them, the more likely they are to be obese as an adult. 

Losing weight is hard for anyone at any age but becomes even harder as we age. There is a very real possibility that if you do not intervene in your child’s health now, you are setting them up for a lifetime of disease and possibly, early death. 

That’s why I urge you as a parent of an obese child to do something now. 

What About Feeling Deprived?

What’s that you say? You and the rest of your family are normal weight but only one of your children is obese, even though you all eat the same? 

It’s still your fault. You and your whole family may be eating the same unhealthy foods without gaining weight but if you have a child who is obese, they’re eating more of it. It’s your job to address the issue.

Come again? Did you say that it’s not fair to deprive yourself and your other kids of what they want to eat because only one of your kids has a problem? 

Let me ask you this, what are you depriving yourself and your other kids of? High fructose corn syrup, high cholesterol, food addiction? These things are unhealthy regardless of how much you weigh. 

Call me crazy but I think insisting your children eat whole, fresh foods full of nutrients and health benefits is the opposite of deprivation. Besides, I never said you can’t enjoy a treat here and there, just don’t keep Costco size containers of them in your pantry. 

Childhood Obesity Can End With You

Parents, if you want to set your child up for a healthy future, it starts with implementing healthy habits at home. You are the parent, therefore keeping your child healthy is your job. 

Don’t take this to mean that I think you are bad people for falling into the same unhealthy habits that plague most of Western society. I understand life is hectic and it’s not always easy finding the time to exercise or cook healthy meals. 

But it’s still your responsibility. So, find the time and do what you can to end childhood obesity in your home. 

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Thanks for reading! If you’d like to hear more about my weight loss story, check out my book 1 Year 100 Pounds. 

Also, be sure to follow me on Instagram, Tik Tok, and YouTube for weight loss tips and workout motivation!

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